Verbal Sodomy with Miss Ashleigh

Damnit! Mi friggin tour vlog wont fuckin upload, so heres something else

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Miss Ashleigh is mi homegirl (and sexxxy at that. shes got some child-bearin hips) from mi lil’ city. Shes won several spoken word comps and has been featured on poetry circuits from here to the bay, with her words about sex, guns, violence, depression and drug abuse. Some may find her flamboyant and over-the-top, but I find that I can relate to her poetry on a personal level. If anyone needs a reality show, its Miss Ashleigh…

Anyhoo. I like fimlimg with her. She has some more vids on youtube These are just a couple of viral videos Ive done with her. If we can work our chemestry 2gether, we would be quite the pair. Enjoi. 

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30.Mar.08 Vids Comments (0)

Packing for this weeks outta town Gigs…

grrr…i KNOW im forgettin SOMEthin.

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26.Mar.08 Dork, Randumb Comments (2)

Protected: Grandmas Funeral…Guess Who I Met?

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25.Mar.08 Words Enter your password to view comments.

Protected: stunnas

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24.Mar.08 pics Enter your password to view comments.

The Pyramid

pyramid

Okay, you have exactly one minute. Good luck to ya…GO!

“im so sorry, i know im a hypocrite, i wanted some new pussy, i was stressed at work, i appologize to mi family, and the whole country, i resign”
things…things That Gov. Spitzer would say!

*applause*

“lets announce our big comeback on the radio, then have one of our bandmates say he wants to go gospel, have a poorly acted fight to sell more units!”
things Dru Hill would do!

*applause*

“8 tracks, Tapes, Reel to Reels, Vinyl, CDs, Sega Saturn,
major record lables, analog TV signals, ”
things that have run their course!

*applause*

“….aaaa – Biz Markies breath, Mad TV, Kanyes ego, Myspace rappers
feet, asses, Paris Hilton”
things that stink!

*applause*….17 seconds…

“….ummm…Al Roker, Star Jones, Stewie Griffin, The Cat Woman”
weird looking people!

*applause*….17 seconds…
“….gay marriage, space program, the war on drugs, tacos! TACOOOS!”
things president bush used to distract people from the Iraq war !

*applause* Yeeeeeeeeeeee! yes! yes! yes! *hug*

end.

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12.Mar.08 Dork Comment (1)

The IGNORE button

him again! update: This is not about any one person in particular. Its more of a representation  of certain events.

You probably know Im not sleep yet, but you should really act like it! I do most of mi business in the evening, and really dont need you pestering mi with utter bullshit. Sometimes you have something important to tell mi, and thats cool. I appreciate it, cause I like to be in the know. But after youve said what you have to say and we hang up, you need not call mi back 20 times about the exact same shit.

I know it sounds way mean, but Im being honest. Thats whats wrong with the world 2day; we cant be honest enough with one another to not be offended by honesty. I am guilty of not being as honest as I can be with people, out of fear of miscommunication. Be honest with people and they get all asshurt, and call you arrogant or an asshole. Now youre known as someone whos condescending, when all you were trying to do was not lie to their got damn faces!

I asked mi homie Skurge, “what ever happened to booing the wack nigguhs off the stage?”. He said , “wack nigguhs started carrying guns!”.

….so, where was I? Oh yeah! Im in studio quite often, either kickin it, or working on something, or working for someone – so these bullshit phone calls/txts become a distraction when Im creating or trying to force creativity. The same goes for when Im with mi Daughter. I already dont feel like I get enough time to see her, and youre calling mi over and over to the point where I turn off mi phone (and its RARELY off) !!! Its funny when I think about it…I usually break down how busy I am to people and pretty much give them a disclaimer for not being readily available. Its almost like I have to appologize in advance!

But Im not a TOTAL cock. When Im not so busy, I try to communicate and touch bases. I truly care about people, and wish I could be everywhere at once. I really do wanna know how you are, whats new in your life, how are the kids/wife/hubby or whatever. I also open mi ears for venting and mi shoulder for tears, because we ALL need that every once in a while…some a little more than others, but I aint mad at that. LiFe is harder for some people, and some need to reach out more frequently to stay grounded. Hell, I needed that a week or so ago. So if youre feeling close to the edge and decide to call mi of all people – I will drop everything and talk to you.
Hmmmm…now that Ive typed that out, I understand it more. Mabey its because for that moment in your life, I was the only mother fucker who WOULD listen to you and offer what I could. Now that everything is back to normal, you feel like you can talk about nothing and have a captive audience. So with the case in the 1st paragraph:….are you wrong for letting it become some sorta dependency, or am I wrong for noticing a dependency developing and not telling you about it??? Damn. Im just as fucked as you.

Well, nevermind then. Forget I said anything about it.

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Now playing: mc chris – evergreen
via FoxyTunes

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09.Mar.08 Rants Comments (5)

Memorable Bartender #1

Tender: Dave
Bar: The Maple Room

We’re walkin into the bar. The karaoke DJ has just began to play the long intro of Live’s “Lightning Crashes”. The bar tender grabs the wireless mic from behind the cash register, and starts singing. As hes singing, he takes the ladies’ order: one Corona – two limes, one Corona – one lime. Still singing, “oh i feel it coming back again…“, into the mic, held by his left hand, Coronas prepared by his right!

This is where it gets better: He asks what I want. I wait for him to sing another bar, and I ask for a shot of Cognac. Still singing his heart out, he pours the rest of the Courvoisier til it empties at half a shot. He throws the bottle away. This multi-talented fucker disappears, GOES ROUND TO THE STORAGE in the BACK of the building – still singing “lightning crashes, an old mother dies..“- and returns with a spankin new bottle of Courvoisier! By the end of the chorus, mi drink is sitting in a snifter. Thunderous applause from mi.

I had 2 shake his hand after that display. Wish I had that shit on video.

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08.Mar.08 Words Comment (1)

Statutory Rap

Havent we learned ANYTHING from R.Kelly, Michael Jackson, Akon and others? I mean, look. Im fully aware that urbanites dont really pay attention to the law. I wont act innocent either, because I have a rap-sheet, and Ive been known to “ride dirty” when necessary. That being said; Let mi tell you a story…

Mi vehicle is getting repaired, which leaves mi to take the bus today (which I havent done in years). Im sitting there, reading RSS feeds and trying to get twitter sms to work – along come two red bone, cute-as-hell, young females. Now, initially I am lookin these girls up and down and thinking, “one of these girls is giving mi her number before we get on this bus”. Then I start to pay attention to their mannerisms and their conversations and realize…these are very young gals, and abandon any thoughts of getting at either of them.

30 minutes pass, and Ive counted about 6 dudes that have passed in their cars, yellin, whistlin, and cat-calling at these two. Once again, I understand all that (hey, guys are dogs). They probably dont know these girls are underage, and they look damn good! Listen; A scraper passes by with two guys who have gotta be as-old or older than miself. They turn into the parking lot and pull behind the bus stop to holla. The passenger hangs out the door and starts saying something like, “aye lil mama, what it do…”, and the girls are trying to shoo them away. “We only 14 years old…I dont like guys. this is mi Girlfriend…blah blah…” – yet, this dude is like, “thats okay, I aint trippin girl. Lets do somethin“. SAY WHAT?!?!?!? This girl just got through tellin you shes waaaaaaaaaaay under 18, and there you sit like a fuckin dumbass and keep trynna holla at this girl? WTF?

Its THIS type of shit that makes mi hold mi head in mi hands when it comes to these so-called “hood niggas”. Why would you willingly throw yourself in harms way in hopes of “doin somethin” with a young girl? And its THIS type of shit that scares the fuck outta mi as a young Father. I KNOW mi lil brown eyed, mulatto Daughter is going to be in them streets. I KNOW she has a chance of being sexually active by age 14. So, I KNOW fools are gonna be trying to pull her drawls off.

I feel that mi worrying is validated when I see this go on, right in front of mi. But I also feel that its KARMA comin full circle: I was that young dude in High School, jumping out of windows, and hiding in closets when Moms and Dads came home, waiting until the coast was clear to vacate, condom still on. I was the lil heart breaker, telling girls what they wanted to hear just to pull panties down. Yet, I can accept that. Not happily, but I accept that I have major parental challenges ahead which I probably deserve.

If I even see something like I witnessed earlier happening to mi Daughter, theres no tellin how I’ll react! But, I’ll be ready. >:oP When mi lil girl starts dating, mi brother and I get the opportunity to act out the scene from Bad Boys II: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRiT3ISEN3M

Forgive mi, I digress. The point? Im scared of being a Dad with even a slightly cute lil girl, with these fools runnin the streets. She’ll face so much more sexual danger than I did as a youngster! I guess the best I can do is educate her, teach her all of mi old tricks (and new ones, heheh) to get her familiar with GAME, hope she maintains a good head on her shoulders, and hope I dont fuck everything up. =o)

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Now playing: Damian “Junior Gong” Marley – In 2 Deep
via FoxyTunes

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06.Mar.08 Words Comments (5)

podcast #0: bbwnetwork/bbwradio slowjam mixtape vol.1

mm’kay, this is a bit of a throwback, but i gotta get @ least one podcast up for the link lists. BBW Network’s BBW Vegas Bash . simply put; the most fun i have all year, every year. if you are an admirer of big beautiful women, or a bbw yourself, this is where you need to be every summer. the following is a promotional mix CD for the bash and size acceptance radio staion, BBWRADIO.com, mixed by yours truly!

please use caution while usin this mix – people have conceived children while fuckin to this mix, then called mi house, holding mi responsible.

playlist: artist – song title
1. art of noise – moments in love
2. jill scott – spring summer feeling
3. usher/ludacriss – lovers n friends
4. too$hort/funkadelic – ive been watching you (move your sexy body)
5. janet – anything
6. twista – get it wet
7. devin the dude – bust one for ya
8. meshell Ndegeocello – stay
9. jill scott – cross my mind
10. Entitee – move on
11. stevie wonder – ribbon in the sky
12. sade – lovers rock
13. massive attack – teardrop
14. d’angelo – the root
15. bryan mcknight – anytime
16. outkast – prototype
17. lauryn hill/d’angelo – nothin even matters
18. missy elliot/ginuwine – friendly skies
19. faith evans – stop n go
20. meshell Ndegeocello – Mary Magdalene
21. dwele – whoomp
22. prince – on the couch
22.5 bloopers and outtakes

Mandy Blake appears courtesy of mandysplayhouse.com

Zik appears courtesy of BODacious Magazine

Brie Brown appears courtesy of BBWradio

 
icon for podpress  Slow Jam Mixtape [64:27m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

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06.Mar.08 Podcasts Comment (1)