Protected: its been fun, but…

Tags: dubbing, gossipers, haters, hiatus, in-laws, losers, twitter, wannabe gangsters

09.Nov.09 Words, twitter Enter your password to view comments

New Word: Douchebag-refill

Noun

douchebag-refill (plural douchebag-refills)

1. (US, slang) An uber-jerk; a mean or the dumbest mother fucker youve seen in a while.

   That douchebag-refill stole Taylor Swifts moment!!

   Why doesn’t that man admit that he likes fat girls? He’s a fucking douchebag-refill.

So, we already use the word “douchebag” to refer to an idiot. But what do you can an idiot that just takes being an idiot too far?
What do you calll an asshole who yells stupid shit at the president during a speech? What do you call a young and washed up hoe who jumps on stage with two of the greatest performers of our time just because she wants some “shine”? What do you call a local rapper who’s ego is way too overinflated, and thinks he’s gods gift to women when the TRUTH is; those women are laughing behind his back?
What do you call someone who just refuses to take the hint that he/she needs to get a life?

and…what do we call THIS guy who left this comment on mi blog (click to read mi response, its too funny):

Thats right folks, we call these people douchebag-refills! You can thank mi for that word, as i came up with it when i saw some stupid shit the other day. please use it as you see fit!

-=t=-

03.Oct.09 Words Comment (1)

In mi neighborhood, we grew up on Michael Jackson

say what you want about Michael. you know Katt Williams had no problem doing so (and it was damn funny). and though some saw him as a predator, a weirdo, bonkers (BBC), etc.. we can all agree on one thing; he was brilliant. one of the most popular and recognizable musicians of our time!
i remember mi aunt making mi learn the entire dance routine from Thriller. i remember the feeling i got seeing Mike play The Scarecrow in The Wiz, and mi daughter now knows that feeling as well. i remember the kids in mi hood wanted to be like Michael Jackson in one way or another…

Rest in Peace, brother Michael. There will NEVER be another performer like you.

Tags: artist, dancer, dies, michael jackson, performer, quincy jones, thriller

25.Jun.09 Web, Words Comments (0)

KFC Grilled Chicken is GROSS!!!

so i decided to be nice and treat mi brother to lunch. he says how hes been going wild over KFC’s new grilled chicken and he has all of these free coupons from oprah.

well, he didnt happen to have the coupons and was at the studio, which was miles from where i was. yet, i was starving and more than willing to pay for lunch, so off i went to what is probably the worst KFC in sacramento .

anyway, i get back to the studio and crack open the plastic pod containing the processed, cloned meal…but when i sink mi teeth into the cloned flesh;  an unfamiliar ball of anger sweeps up through mi torso, a small village burns to the ground, and an innocent man is lynched in Alabama. as sure as mi mother is light skinned, this was THE most disgusting shit i have ever slid across mi teeth! in fact, i couldnt even swallow it, and promptly spit the meatwads out!of course i was pissed off cause i was so damn hungry, and ended up trying to fill up on the side dishes (corn and wedges).  i should have known better though, they had previously offended mi with that original recipe chicken strip bullshit….gaaaah!

Tags: grilled chicken, jae synth, kfc, omina labs, oprah

16.May.09 Rants, Words Comments (4)

dear murderer

since I was a child, you’ve been trying to kill mi. I’ve never been sure exactly why you want mi dead so badly. I know I’ve never been a model citizen, but is mi karma THAT bad that I deserve your assassination attempts, year after year?

I couldn’t play peewee football, because you tried to kill mi on the field. I couldn’t skateboard for an extended amount of time, because there you were, helping mi fall down handrails and big sets of stairs. you tried again when I broke mi ankle, and I sat in the ER getting fitted for a cast and taking a breathing treatment. I can’t even fuck for hours like I used to, cause there you are, cock blocking as usual.

nowadays, you see mi getting older and you see a bigger window of opportunity to murder mi. I know I’m not the young ninja that I once was. so everywhere I go, there you are. youve become so ambitious lately, i have had to quit smoking just to appear invisable to you! youve tried to kill mi 3 times this week! damn you!!

tell you what; I have a daughter now, and she’s unaware of your attempts to kill her Father. please don’t try to harm mi little girl like you’ve harmed mi all these years. let’s keep this between you and mi. if you can agree to leave her alone, I will finally let you take mi life. deal?

Tags: albuterol, asthma, breathing, inhaler, nebulizer, upper respitory infection

05.Apr.09 Words Comments (6)

Notorious N.I.G.

Went to see “Notorious” on opening weekend. i wont spoil it or anything. The movie was pretty cool. Though I had to try hard to accept certain characters, Biggie was damn-near-dead-on. He had the voice, the mannerisms and was a charming character. Kim was hot, and you get to see her titties!

While I would like to go on and give you a full-on review about the storyline, direction and soundtrack, I am distracted..as I was somewhat distracted during the feature presentation.
Black people in theaters. What the hell.

Why is it that we still act SO outta pocket whenever there is a “black” movie? I mean, I ENJOI watching previews of upcoming movies and it puts a big damper on mi experience when G-Locc and his band of hoodrats walks in, sits right in front of us (as Im PRAYING for them not to see the empty row in front of mi), and begins disturbing the peace. The big-weaved hoodrat sitting directly in front of mi begins talking on her phone…loudly! “Yeah girl, we just got here….what? Notorious. Yeah girl….Shit, if they hungry, theres some Cheerios on top of the fridge…well, beat they ass then…”. I can somewhat forgive this, as I already expect nigguhs to act this way at the movies. Its a given. But the bitch stands up, and is still talking on her fuckin phone, like we WANT to hear her punkass conversation!!! gaaaaaah!

Then of course, we are on the westcoast. So when the movie covers the 2Pac and Biggie “beef”, you can hear echoes of hecking throughout the theater! Nigguhs yellin “west side, nigguh” and “fuck east coast!”. The hoodrats phone rings again. I sink lower in mi seat.

Some things never change. In this case; black people nigguhs in theaters will never change. One may think that since Obama is the HNIC, we should be inspired to change our ways. No. Nigguhs will never change. You can still expect us to be late to important engagements, you can still count on us to turn parties out due to fights or shootings, and wherever we go – expect strong police presence.

I guess it could have been worse. There were no fights or shootings, there was no one smokin weed in the back row, and I only heard about 14 cell phones ring. Baaah, fuck it.

*throws skittles at the front row*

Tags: 2pac, biggie smalls, cptime, lil kim, movies, negros, nigguhs, notorious, p diddy

25.Jan.09 Rants, Words Comments (2)

thanksgiving meme

From Flea’s World: I’ve stolen a meme from Miz Booshay. Join me in my thievery and answer this one on your own blog.

Little thanksgiving meme.

1. what are you thankful for?
Mi Girls, Brother, mi studio, mi nigguhs (both living and dead, free and locked down), mi Goddess, and MUSIC!

2. what is your favorite thing to make?
I dont make anything. However, just before writing this, i made scrambled eggs…I barely escaped with mi LIFE!

3. do you have a special tablecloth?
When I was younger, i had a smurfs place mat. no tablecloth this year tho.

4. what is your favorite thing to eat?
YAMS to the death! Deviled eggs too…i was almost stabbed with a fork when reaching for the 4th egg.

5. what time do you eat?
we eat early…like HELLA early! like 1-3pm. then play video games and watch football. *burrp*

Take it! Run with it!

Tags: burp, eat, fart, food, meme, thanksgiving, turkey day

28.Nov.08 Words Comment (1)

Wordle – user generated word clouds! sweet!

this morning, mi friendfeed caught a link submitted by marshal sandler that i thought i would share with yall. its a pretty cool site/script call Wordle. with this fun tool, users can create word clouds similar to tag clouds that are beautifully or randomly generated by either typing a bunch of random words or by entering a url with rss or atom. you can print the clouds or save them to the wordle gallery and share with the homies. the pic above shows a cloud i made by typing in mi url. i called it “in a nutshell”.

if you have some time on your hands, go check it out. its awsome and fun!

Tags: friends, fun, random, word cloud, wordle

03.Aug.08 Web, Words Comment (1)

there goes mi HERO! watch her as she goes!

mi mom was about 16 when she got preggo with mi. she carried mi across the stage to receive her diploma. she put alot of her life on hold for mi. she could have done so many different things. shes a SMART woman.

all mi life, it was just her and i. i wanted a new keyboard every year for mi bday, and this woman would work extra hours just so she could afford a friggin lil casio for mi. this woman worked TWO jobs, and i still complained and threw fits.

as a teenager, i was such a ungrateful asshole. i was a rude, smartmouth kid who was too popular for his own good. and ooooooooooh shit, how full of miself i was! however, mi mom was always in mi corner. she fought the school board tooth-and-nail to keep them from expelling mi (when i stabbed that kid). she even moved outta the greater city and bought her first house where i would be closer to school, as i couldnt go to any school in the district. all she expected was BETTER of mi.

so it really didnt surprize mi when she sold mi bed when i was 16. i had been sellin dope, and turned down the scholarship offered to mi. she STILL gave mi mi 1st car before i moved to Long Beach with mi GF.  when i was hospitalized, guess who would visit & call mi? mi mom was, and always will be mi hero.

nowadays; ma is the glue that holds the family 2gether (i dare ANYONE to challenge that). when our family members are in need (which is quite often), mi ma is right there to offer what she can. she has provided bail, she has paid rents, she has paid off debts, she has saved LIVES, she has provided protection to/from certain people. im TELLIN you, mi mom is the bomb! from about 2003 til her death; mom took great care of mi grandmother. grandma never had to worry about anything. she had A1 health care, and she didnt even have to spend her own money. when i feel like lashing out at the [haters], mom is there to say, “c’mon tof. be bigger than that. i KNOW theyre pissing you off, but let them have their way. thats how you win in the end“. and honestly, sometimes i need that. she hasnt been wrong yet.

i had to make it clear to everyone in mi lil speech at mi grandmas funeral just how important mi mom is to our family.  i could never pay mi mom back for all of her unconditional LoVe and support. so mi aim is to make her proud of mi. even if i never make a nomination, if she wants a seat at the grammies – she’ll have it. and it would be the very least i could do.

so ma – im sorry for putting you through hell as a kid, i thank you for being there for mi, thanks for being mi bestfriend, thanks for being in mi corner when you KNEW i was wrong, thanks for takin care of grandma, and thanks for being an inspiration to us all. i was talkin to old school homies the other day about “bosses” and one said “but nigguh, TOFU’s mom is a got damn BOSS, and always has been!” it made mi blush, cause its so true.

i LoVe you, mom. there will never be another YOU! =o)

Tags: family, grandma, ma, mom, mother, mothers day, musicians

11.May.08 Words, pics Comments (10)

Molly Ringwald (A True Story)

i had to be about six years old, and mi favorite movies at the time were purple rain, the hobbit, and the wiz. im not too sure how i stumbled upon the breakfast club. but i remember being in front of the television, mesmerized by the characters on the screen. judd nelson probably had some influence on mi, then there was alley sheedys character (whom i would later identify with in high school). the other two guys, i could give a shit less about…and then…there was MOLLY! at that time, i had never seen a girl like that before. so beautiful, such a pouty voice, and that awesome red hair! ooooooh god, that fucking red hair.

so anyway – there i am, drooling at this wonderfully cute teenager like a little rascal. and there i sat, watching this cool movie until something happened that would change mi life forever:
judd nelsons character “bender” was isolated from the rest of the kids in detention. the principal locked him in some type of utility closet and threatened to kick his ass then goes to take a shit. bender stacks a bunch shit and finds a way to get to the school crawlspace. he falls through the roof, making a HUGE ruckus. the principal is yanked right off the shitter by this thunderous noise! he storms into the library, as bender hides under mollys table. “what was that ruckus…blah blah blah”…a short confrontation insures in which the students start distracting the principal while bender is makin noise under the table. THEN, bender sees the greatest sight mi two eyes had ever seen at the time…molly ringwalds panties.

i felt mi hips gyrate a bit, involuntarily. then mi tummy got all warm. what the hell was happening to mi? then i felt as if i was growing another body part. i looked down through mi superman underoos and low and behold; mi lil’ wee wee had grown to a size i had never thought possible! MI FIRST ERECTION.. and it was….stiff! it didnt scare mi at all though,i had read “where did i come from” just recently, so i knew the deal. i was actually excited because now (i thought) i was a man!! i could do the ‘adult snuggle’ now! looking back up at the television, as she gasped and damn near crushed benders head, i had to smile and thank her. she had brought mi from superman underoos, to sleeping nude that night.

3 years later, i would receive oral sex for the 1st time…

heres a toast to you, Molly Ringwald. thank you for being so strikingly sexxxy, thank you for mi 1st erection, and thank you for a long life of being strangely addicted to ginger girls – from the beautiful to the scary ugly – they ALL look like Molly to mi! i can hold mi head high and say that we are from the same city! bless you ms. ringwald. =o)

Tags: 80s, alley sheedy, brat pack, celebs, ginger, john hughes, judd nelson, molly ringwald, movies, redheads, simple minds, the breakfast club, the hobbit, the wiz, wang chun, where did i come from

13.Apr.08 Dork, Words, pics Comments (6)