Notorious N.I.G.

Went to see “Notorious” on opening weekend. i wont spoil it or anything. The movie was pretty cool. Though I had to try hard to accept certain characters, Biggie was damn-near-dead-on. He had the voice, the mannerisms and was a charming character. Kim was hot, and you get to see her titties!

While I would like to go on and give you a full-on review about the storyline, direction and soundtrack, I am distracted..as I was somewhat distracted during the feature presentation.
Black people in theaters. What the hell.

Why is it that we still act SO outta pocket whenever there is a “black” movie? I mean, I ENJOI watching previews of upcoming movies and it puts a big damper on mi experience when G-Locc and his band of hoodrats walks in, sits right in front of us (as Im PRAYING for them not to see the empty row in front of mi), and begins disturbing the peace. The big-weaved hoodrat sitting directly in front of mi begins talking on her phone…loudly! “Yeah girl, we just got here….what? Notorious. Yeah girl….Shit, if they hungry, theres some Cheerios on top of the fridge…well, beat they ass then…”. I can somewhat forgive this, as I already expect nigguhs to act this way at the movies. Its a given. But the bitch stands up, and is still talking on her fuckin phone, like we WANT to hear her punkass conversation!!! gaaaaaah!

Then of course, we are on the westcoast. So when the movie covers the 2Pac and Biggie “beef”, you can hear echoes of hecking throughout the theater! Nigguhs yellin “west side, nigguh” and “fuck east coast!”. The hoodrats phone rings again. I sink lower in mi seat.

Some things never change. In this case; black people nigguhs in theaters will never change. One may think that since Obama is the HNIC, we should be inspired to change our ways. No. Nigguhs will never change. You can still expect us to be late to important engagements, you can still count on us to turn parties out due to fights or shootings, and wherever we go – expect strong police presence.

I guess it could have been worse. There were no fights or shootings, there was no one smokin weed in the back row, and I only heard about 14 cell phones ring. Baaah, fuck it.

*throws skittles at the front row*

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25.Jan.09 Rants, Words Comments (2)

Molly Ringwald (A True Story)

sweet molly

i had to be about six years old, and mi favorite movies at the time were purple rain, the hobbit, and the wiz. im not too sure how i stumbled upon the breakfast club. but i remember being in front of the television, mesmerized by the characters on the screen. judd nelson probably had some influence on mi, then there was alley sheedys character (whom i would later identify with in high school). the other two guys, i could give a shit less about…and then…there was MOLLY! at that time, i had never seen a girl like that before. so beautiful, such a pouty voice, and that awesome red hair! ooooooh god, that fucking red hair.

so anyway – there i am, drooling at this wonderfully cute teenager like a little rascal. and there i sat, watching this cool movie until something happened that would change mi life forever:
judd nelsons character “bender” was isolated from the rest of the kids in detention. the principal locked him in some type of utility closet and threatened to kick his ass then goes to take a shit. bender stacks a bunch shit and finds a way to get to the school crawlspace. he falls through the roof, making a HUGE ruckus. the principal is yanked right off the shitter by this thunderous noise! he storms into the library, as bender hides under mollys table. “what was that ruckus…blah blah blah”…a short confrontation insures in which the students start distracting the principal while bender is makin noise under the table. THEN, bender sees the greatest sight mi two eyes had ever seen at the time…molly ringwalds panties.

*tear*

i felt mi hips gyrate a bit, involuntarily. then mi tummy got all warm. what the hell was happening to mi? then i felt as if i was growing another body part. i looked down through mi superman underoos and low and behold; mi lil’ wee wee had grown to a size i had never thought possible! MI FIRST ERECTION.. and it was….stiff! it didnt scare mi at all though,i had read “where did i come from” just recently, so i knew the deal. i was actually excited because now (i thought) i was a man!! i could do the ‘adult snuggle’ now! looking back up at the television, as she gasped and damn near crushed benders head, i had to smile and thank her. she had brought mi from superman underoos, to sleeping nude that night.

3 years later, i would receive oral sex for the 1st time…

heres a toast to you, Molly Ringwald. thank you for being so strikingly sexxxy, thank you for mi 1st erection, and thank you for a long life of being strangely addicted to ginger girls – from the beautiful to the scary ugly – they ALL look like Molly to mi! i can hold mi head high and say that we are from the same city! bless you ms. ringwald. =o)

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13.Apr.08 Dork, Words, pics Comments (6)