dear scootypuff…
Posted in Rants, Words, fatherhood on Jul 28th, 2008
i was well aware that things would never be the same
promised to take care of you, protect you from the game
though you were born to a doomed family
both of us LoVed you, relieved that you finally came
all fingers n toes present
daddys favorite present
from the past to the present…
i just wanna let you know the truth, while you are probably being lied to. you are mi little girl, and though your mom and i arent likely to ever get along, know that i called her to see you just before posting this blog entry. so whats keeping you from seeing mi? i dont know. could it be the measly $100 i owe mommy? could it be the hatred your grandparents share for daddy? could it be daddys new GF? im not sure. your other grandma misses you too…she often gets the same treatment. so when daddy fucks up, grandma gets treated as if shes daddy. does that make sense? it will someday.
the date of this posting marks the 3rd week i havent seen you, and its driving mi crazy. and your grandparents like threating to call the cops on mi for various reasons (though i called the sheriff on them once) so there will be no surprise visits from daddy. adults are so stupid, scooty. im sorry YOU have to be a pawn in our games. i would never do that to you. i would never ignore your mothers calls, especially concerning you. i try to talk to you, but mommy lets the phones go to voicemail. i know you hear the house phone ringing all day, but your grandparents do something called “screening”. thats what you do when you dont wanna talk to bill collectors, police, and other family members on the phone. does that make sense? it will someday.
just wanted to reach out to you the only way that i can at this point. its kinda sad aint it?
here we are, a mere 15 miles from eachother, and i gotta blog about you and cc mommy in an email, when i would much rather see you and give you hugs and kisses.
well, im gonna end this cause im a little upset and dont wanna step on too many toes. i miss you scooty. oh, and when mommy says i dont do anything for you, ask her if shes ever allowed mi to. then prepare yourself. at the cost of mi pride, i am taking steps to ENSURE miself a place in your life! does that make sense? no worries. it will someday.
i LoVe you,
-=daddy=-
…sniff…
Shakes his head… I feel your pain brah… Forgive them, for they know not what they do.And eventhough it don’t seem like it, things will get better.
fam! oh boy you we’ve talked so you know i know what you’re going through man. how eloquently you expressed your need to be with your baby girl. she feels it and so does her mom. fam believe me when i say that it will work out and you will have her in your arms again soon. do not give up. her mom needs to see you weakened for a while. try to be humble but keep sending love out to scooty in any way you can. the universe will be sure that she gets it, trust believe.
fam i can look you in your eye in your darkest moment and assure you that it will get better…
Let the dust settle and old wounds heal
In time she will be in your arms.
One day at a time kido!
This is so sad. I hope that the differences between you and the baby’s mom won’t last and that you will be able to be a significant vision in your baby’s life. Keep calling. Don’t give up. The world is a pretty cruel place and babies need all the love they can get.