tofu916.com - its all here.

the setting: Las Vegas, NV

i would more than likely have to rent a crazy vehicle. so off I would go to Enterprise or somethin and talk to mi homies sister so i could get the good discount. im not sure if they have luxury vehilces….anyway. i would pay one of mi cousins (probably in WEED) to drive while i sat in the back, like a cold piece. then i would go pick her up at her hotel. dressed to the T: the armani suit i RARELY wear cause its the only one i have, a humorous tie, like spongebob or scoobydoo (so she knows i dont take miself too seriously), and some polished stacy adams.

did i mention flowers? yeah, i would have mi cousin open the door to the car as i presented her with 12 carnations, cause roses are overrated. she would be like “aw, thank you! these are beautiful!” i would politely nodd as we enter the backseat and speed off into the artificial lights of the Vegas night… We would go see Zumanity (assuming she aint seen it yet), and sit in them prime seats. the handful of people i know in Vegas would see mi and shout “tooooooooof!”. the many that know Nikki would be like “oh mi god, your tracy turnblad, i love you so much, can we take this picture real quick…” and as the show progresses, she would feel a subtle but sensual feeling creep into her. periodically, i would glance at her to see her throwing mi that look…

if you know mi, you know i HATE the strip (most locals do), so to show her some culture - i would slide mi cousin his/her next 20 sack of purple weed to drive us back her hotel so she could get dressed in something more comfy and less dressy. meanwhile, im in the backseat, changing into mi sean john jeans, and a solid color tee, DC’s, and the white-gold chain mi grandma bought mi. once she returned to the car, we would go see the REAL las vegas. sliding up in Mooses on S Maryland Pkwy, joe would greet us at the door and ask who the lovely lady is, thats now clingin to mi skinny arm. i would tell him and he probably wouldnt know, cause hes the type of guy who doesnt watch anything but sports. we would hit the bar and the chick behind the bar knows who she is and makes a scene (thats where i dont have to pay for drinks for the rest of the evening). from that point, i would stand back and let her get her shine on with more pictures, autographs, and admiration from guys trying to be starfuckers. of course she would shoot em down with “im sorry, im here with a sweet gentleman tonight…” [hey, fuck yall...this is MI fantasy]. the packed dancefloor would part at our entrace. the way i move would make her SO very horny. she would be thinking, “wow…finally! a straight guy who can keep up with mi on the floor!”.

and as the security bounced people out by yelling the trademarked “GET THE FUCK OUT PEOPLE! I WANNA GO HOME AND FUCK MI GIRLFRIEND!!!“, the patrons would file out, but we would be invited to stay after and talk to joe and the rest of the staff as they brought us buffalo wings and other finger-foods. tipsy, not drunk. she would be like “so im kinda winded…wanna take mi back to mi hotel?” and of course, i would tell mi cousin, “drive“. when we arrive and mi cousin opens the door, she would slip out and say something like, “wow, i had a great night, Tofu. youre an awsome guy. *giggle* … im a bit embarrassed to say this, but….you wanna come up for a while?” as she bites her lower lip.

…to be continued.

Tags: bbw, hairspray, muse, nikki blonsky, queen latifah, ricki lake, tracy turnblad